adBlockCheck

Recent News

Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.

Grandma Looking Like Absolute Shit Lately

VERO BEACH, FL—Unable to ignore the 86-year-old’s dramatic physical decline since they last saw her, sources within the Delahunt family reported Monday that their grandmother Shirley is looking like absolute shit lately.

A Basic Guide To Dream Interpretation

Dreaming is a universal human experience, and many similar themes arise in people’s dreams the world over. The Onion provides some context for interpreting these common dreams:
End Of Section
  • More News

Anniversary Of 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' Repeal

A year after the end of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” a new study shows that allowing homosexuals to serve openly in the armed forces “has had no overall negative impact on military readiness,” troop cohesion, or morale, as many detractors had predicted. What do you think?

  • “Even if I was wrong about that, I’m definitely still right about every other way gay people shouldn’t be equal.”

    Bernadette Fox Unemployed
  • “I don’t know about that. My gay cousin’s serving in Afghanistan, and his platoon’s morale is low as shit.”

    Norman Caso Chrome Buffer
  • “Sure, but after all this time you’d think people would be a little more accepting of the ‘Welcome Home, Homos!’ sign I use to greet returning troops at the airport.”

    Moses Endelman Burrito Maker

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close