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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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Anonymous Declares Cyberwar On Israel

In retaliation for Israel’s threat to cut off Internet access in Gaza, the shadowy hacker collective Anonymous launched attacks on 700 Israeli websites, downing many and replacing the home pages of others with pro-Palestinian messages. What do you think?

  • “If anything can end a generations-old conflict over the Holy Land, it’s minor inconveniences.”

    Christian Cort Systems Analyst
  • “If I were Anonymous, I’d want to get some recognition.”

    Jonathan Colavitti Transfer Student Evaluator
  • “Shit, are we going to have to buy them a new Internet?”

    Grace Bechtold Battery Assembler

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