adBlockCheck

Recent News

Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
End Of Section
  • More News

Anti-Cancer Machine Invented?

Research reports on the American Cancer Society's website suggest that a new machine, invented by a Florida man with no medical training, may be able to destroy cancer cells. What do you think?
  • "The inventor has no medical training? I think I'll stick with my cancer, thanks."

    Kerry Huth Systems Analyst
  • "Using gold nanoparticles to attack the cells is either ingenious or very stupid, depending on what my HMO says."

    Alma Stein Montessori Teacher
  • "Yeah, well the machine I invented in my basement destroys a lot more than just cancer cells."

    Kevin Blum Collectibles Dealer
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close