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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Anti-Cancer Machine Invented?

Research reports on the American Cancer Society's website suggest that a new machine, invented by a Florida man with no medical training, may be able to destroy cancer cells. What do you think?
  • "The inventor has no medical training? I think I'll stick with my cancer, thanks."

    Kerry Huth Systems Analyst
  • "Using gold nanoparticles to attack the cells is either ingenious or very stupid, depending on what my HMO says."

    Alma Stein Montessori Teacher
  • "Yeah, well the machine I invented in my basement destroys a lot more than just cancer cells."

    Kevin Blum Collectibles Dealer
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