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New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.

Tips For Hotel Etiquette

Staying in a hotel can be a fun and luxurious experience, but it requires consideration of the guests around you. The Onion presents its guide to hotel etiquette:
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Anti-Islam Movie Incites Violence

The 14-minute trailer for an obscure low-budget movie that mocks the life of Muslim prophet Muhammad and was produced by an Israeli-American real estate developer last year has been blamed for yesterday’s protest at the U.S. embassy in Egypt, as well as the attack on the U.S. consulate in Libya that killed four American diplomats. What do you think?

  • “Great. Just when we were getting along so well with Libya.”

    Norma Nava Offal Separator
  • “If we as a country were all held responsible for every bad film made here, there would be a lot of blood on Michael Bay’s hands."

    Leonard Nicolaou Cosmetician
  • “I hate movie trailers, too. It’s like, ‘Just start the movie, already!’”

    Raul Mejias Systems Analyst

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