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A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.
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Anti-Islam Movie Incites Violence

The 14-minute trailer for an obscure low-budget movie that mocks the life of Muslim prophet Muhammad and was produced by an Israeli-American real estate developer last year has been blamed for yesterday’s protest at the U.S. embassy in Egypt, as well as the attack on the U.S. consulate in Libya that killed four American diplomats. What do you think?

  • “Great. Just when we were getting along so well with Libya.”

    Norma Nava Offal Separator
  • “If we as a country were all held responsible for every bad film made here, there would be a lot of blood on Michael Bay’s hands."

    Leonard Nicolaou Cosmetician
  • “I hate movie trailers, too. It’s like, ‘Just start the movie, already!’”

    Raul Mejias Systems Analyst
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