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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.
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Anti-Paparazzi Legislation?

In the wake of Princess Diana's death while speeding from photographers, many are calling for anti-stalking laws that protect celebrities from paparazzi. What do you think?
  • "Boy, I thought the paparazzi were out of line back in '33, when their flashbulbs enraged Kong, causing him to escape and nearly destroy Manhattan. But this time they've gone too far."

    Ted Springs Civil Engineer
  • "I have a tip for the paparazzi—I will be dining tonight at the Shoney's on Highway 11. But please, no flashbulbs."

    Duane Eichhorn Landscaper
  • "To the paparazzi, I have only one question: How do you live with yourselves? Oh, and also, how do you avoid that red-eye effect?"

    Cheryl Pinsky Systems Analyst
  • "Movie stars should not be photographed."

    Suzanne Templeton Manicurist
  • "Remember when President Clinton held that nuclear test-ban summit in Iceland last year? Why couldn't the press just leave him alone?"

    Mitchell Cook Telemarketer
  • "As a longtime Princess Di photographer, I freely admit that we screwed up. We screwed ourselves out of another 40 years of making millions off photos of that stupid broad riding horses and shopping."

    Randy Quisling Photographer

More from this section

‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

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