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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Antidepressant Use In Children

Last week, the FDA announced that children who take antidepressants face an increased risk of suicide, but some doctors dispute the claim. What do you think?
  • "That's why I give my kid St. John's Wort. At least it's not gonna make my kid kill himself, even if it doesn't work for shit."

    Sheila Wooster Paralegal
  • "As a despised father, I believe suicide is just a smokescreen for America's real problem—patricide."

    Russell Bigelow Broker
  • "Kids with depression see through all the bullshit that everyone else accepts. The Prozac just gives them the clarity of mind to follow through with what they need to do."

    David Zarnke Web Designer
  • "Conversely, I read that kids placed on depressants are spontaneously bursting into joyful choreographed song-and-dance routines in town squares nationwide."

    Lazaro Padron Bank Teller
  • "What do people expect with kids being fed the Yu-Gi-Oh! and the Dragonball Z and the whole Japanese cultural imperative to save face through ritualistic seppuku?"

    Eric Morarend Systems Analyst
  • "Goddamn little brats! They want something to kill themselves about? I'll give them something to kill themselves about."

    Denise Parham Teacher
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