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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Antidepressant Use In Children

Last week, the FDA announced that children who take antidepressants face an increased risk of suicide, but some doctors dispute the claim. What do you think?
  • "That's why I give my kid St. John's Wort. At least it's not gonna make my kid kill himself, even if it doesn't work for shit."

    Sheila Wooster Paralegal
  • "As a despised father, I believe suicide is just a smokescreen for America's real problem—patricide."

    Russell Bigelow Broker
  • "Kids with depression see through all the bullshit that everyone else accepts. The Prozac just gives them the clarity of mind to follow through with what they need to do."

    David Zarnke Web Designer
  • "Conversely, I read that kids placed on depressants are spontaneously bursting into joyful choreographed song-and-dance routines in town squares nationwide."

    Lazaro Padron Bank Teller
  • "What do people expect with kids being fed the Yu-Gi-Oh! and the Dragonball Z and the whole Japanese cultural imperative to save face through ritualistic seppuku?"

    Eric Morarend Systems Analyst
  • "Goddamn little brats! They want something to kill themselves about? I'll give them something to kill themselves about."

    Denise Parham Teacher
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