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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Antimicrobials May Compromise Immune System

Researchers at the University of Michigan School of Public Health found that young people with high levels of triclosan, an antimicrobial agent commonly found in soaps, were at greater risk for allergies. What do you think?

  • "Oh, please! You don't have to tell me what triclosan is. I'm an excellent mother, and as soon as my boy turns 18 and can walk on the street without me, he'll say the same. DON'T TOUCH THAT, MATT. Excuse me, I have to take my boy to the hospital."

    Cindy Davis Systems Analyst
  • "Which antimicrobial agent am I supposed to use, if not triclosan? Chloroxylenol? Give me a break."

    Lou Ketcham Cashier
  • "Clearly, I don't use soap. Looks like ol' Ronny is skatin' by once again!"

    Ronny Waterson Unemployed
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