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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Antimicrobials May Compromise Immune System

Researchers at the University of Michigan School of Public Health found that young people with high levels of triclosan, an antimicrobial agent commonly found in soaps, were at greater risk for allergies. What do you think?

  • "Oh, please! You don't have to tell me what triclosan is. I'm an excellent mother, and as soon as my boy turns 18 and can walk on the street without me, he'll say the same. DON'T TOUCH THAT, MATT. Excuse me, I have to take my boy to the hospital."

    Cindy Davis Systems Analyst
  • "Which antimicrobial agent am I supposed to use, if not triclosan? Chloroxylenol? Give me a break."

    Lou Ketcham Cashier
  • "Clearly, I don't use soap. Looks like ol' Ronny is skatin' by once again!"

    Ronny Waterson Unemployed

More from this section

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.

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