After Birth

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

Report: Mom Sending You Something

PORTLAND, ME—Stating that she had put it in the mail this morning and that you should keep an eye out for it, your mother notified you Saturday that she was sending you something, reports confirmed.

A Look At The Class Of 2020

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2020, with the majority of them born in 1998. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:
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Antipsychotics Can Make Kids Fat

A study published in The Journal Of The American Medical Association found that children who take medication for severe psychiatric problems often experience weight gain. What do you think?
  • "Yes, I'm sure that if those children had just been left to their own devices, they would have taken very good care of their physical fitness."

    Simon Mande Florist
  • "Was the weight gain proportional to how crazy the child was?"

    Matthew Arnheiter Unemployed
  • "I may sleep with a dead bolt on my bedroom door and a .22 under my pillow, but at least my crazy boy's no tub of butter."

    Sara Hill Roll Builder

After Birth

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