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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Antipsychotics Reduce Sex Drive

A study of people taking antipsychotic drugs for treatment of schizophrenia shows reveals that diminished sexual function is an unwanted side effect. What do you think?
  • "Where can I get some of those drugs? I'm sick of sex."

    Lyndon Fitzpatrick Scuba Instructor
  • "My God. That means virtually everyone on Craigslist is off their meds."

    Molly Prescott Unemployed
  • "That's it, no more medication for me. I sure hope I get laid a lot in the lucid moments from my nightmarish paranoid delusions and horrifying hallucinations."

    Ty Jackson Systems Analyst
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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

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