adBlockCheck

Recent News

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
End Of Section
  • More News

AOL To Acquire Huffington Post

Internet company AOL announced it would purchase media aggregator site The Huffington Post for $315 million. What do you think?

  • "This might be the thing to make my dad drop his dial-up service once and for all."

    Ruby Kahn Bulk Filler
  • "The only part of the deal that seemed a tad raw to me is the fact that Arianna Huffington is required to change her name to Arianna AOL. But, you have to pick your battles, I guess."

    Chris Colby Systems Analyst
  • "Wow, I never thought I’d live to see the day when the Internet reached its true potential."

    Tim Serbousek Pairing Machine Operator
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close