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National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.
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Apes Suffer Midlife Crises

A study of more than 500 captive apes found the primates experienced a decrease in happiness from the end of their childhoods until middle age, at which point their overall mood appeared to steadily improve, mirroring the pattern seen in humans. What do you think?

  • “I always look at apes on TV and think, ‘They really are just like Terry from work.’”

    Dave Wilzbach Insurance Salesman
  • “Well, the kids move out once their genitals swell up and turn red, and then you start thinking to yourself, ‘Will I never achieve anything beyond rudimentary tool use and throwing feces?’”

    Rosanna Amaro Executive Chef
  • “Interesting, but what do apes have to do with us?”

    Gary Henley Air-Conditioning Coil Assembler

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