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Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
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Apes Suffer Midlife Crises

A study of more than 500 captive apes found the primates experienced a decrease in happiness from the end of their childhoods until middle age, at which point their overall mood appeared to steadily improve, mirroring the pattern seen in humans. What do you think?

  • “I always look at apes on TV and think, ‘They really are just like Terry from work.’”

    Dave Wilzbach Insurance Salesman
  • “Well, the kids move out once their genitals swell up and turn red, and then you start thinking to yourself, ‘Will I never achieve anything beyond rudimentary tool use and throwing feces?’”

    Rosanna Amaro Executive Chef
  • “Interesting, but what do apes have to do with us?”

    Gary Henley Air-Conditioning Coil Assembler

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