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Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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Apple Becomes Largest U.S. Company Ever

With $623.52 billion worth of shares outstanding at the close of trading yesterday, tech giant Apple became the largest American company of all-time as measured by the combined value of its stock, surpassing a mark set in late 1999 by Microsoft. What do you think?

  • “They deserve it. They make wonderful stocks.”

    Nick Platt Plant Breeder
  • “It’s a shame Steve Jobs died before he got to see his company achieve success.”

    Bill Mancini Bench-Molder Apprentice
  • “You know what it is? It’s all those products they sell.”

    Jacqueline Ellis Unemployed

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