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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Apple Becomes Largest U.S. Company Ever

With $623.52 billion worth of shares outstanding at the close of trading yesterday, tech giant Apple became the largest American company of all-time as measured by the combined value of its stock, surpassing a mark set in late 1999 by Microsoft. What do you think?

  • “They deserve it. They make wonderful stocks.”

    Nick Platt Plant Breeder
  • “It’s a shame Steve Jobs died before he got to see his company achieve success.”

    Bill Mancini Bench-Molder Apprentice
  • “You know what it is? It’s all those products they sell.”

    Jacqueline Ellis Unemployed
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