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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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Apple Branded Least Green Tech Company

Last week, Greenpeace released a list of tech companies ranked according to the environmental friendliness of their energy consumption, and Apple came in last. What do you think?

  • “Well, then, I guess the whole green movement isn’t that cool after all.”

    Josh Coleman Freezer Operator
  • "No big surprise. Have you been in an Apple Store? It takes 5,500 square feet to sell a dozen iPads."

    Tracy Katayama Weight Analyst
  • "La, la, la! I can’t hear you through these identity-defining earbuds!"

    Charles Novog Unemployed

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