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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Apple Developing Larger iPhone With Curved Screen

Apple is reportedly designing two larger versions of the iPhone that feature 4.7- and 5.5-inch curved glass displays, though the new iPhones are not likely to appear until the third quarter of next year. What do you think?

  • “Good. My main problem with my current phone is that it fits too easily in my pocket.”

    Sabrina Kovero Stage Director
  • “This is definitely going to hurt my underground business where I curve people’s screens for $1,000 a phone.”

    Huey Troy Post Office Manager
  • “I’m throwing my current phone in the garbage right away!”

    Tony Harlow Intelligence Officer

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