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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Apple Developing Larger iPhone With Curved Screen

Apple is reportedly designing two larger versions of the iPhone that feature 4.7- and 5.5-inch curved glass displays, though the new iPhones are not likely to appear until the third quarter of next year. What do you think?

  • “Good. My main problem with my current phone is that it fits too easily in my pocket.”

    Sabrina Kovero Stage Director
  • “This is definitely going to hurt my underground business where I curve people’s screens for $1,000 a phone.”

    Huey Troy Post Office Manager
  • “I’m throwing my current phone in the garbage right away!”

    Tony Harlow Intelligence Officer
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