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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Apple Developing Larger iPhone With Curved Screen

Apple is reportedly designing two larger versions of the iPhone that feature 4.7- and 5.5-inch curved glass displays, though the new iPhones are not likely to appear until the third quarter of next year. What do you think?

  • “Good. My main problem with my current phone is that it fits too easily in my pocket.”

    Sabrina Kovero Stage Director
  • “This is definitely going to hurt my underground business where I curve people’s screens for $1,000 a phone.”

    Huey Troy Post Office Manager
  • “I’m throwing my current phone in the garbage right away!”

    Tony Harlow Intelligence Officer
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