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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Apple Developing Larger iPhone With Curved Screen

Apple is reportedly designing two larger versions of the iPhone that feature 4.7- and 5.5-inch curved glass displays, though the new iPhones are not likely to appear until the third quarter of next year. What do you think?

  • “Good. My main problem with my current phone is that it fits too easily in my pocket.”

    Sabrina Kovero Stage Director
  • “This is definitely going to hurt my underground business where I curve people’s screens for $1,000 a phone.”

    Huey Troy Post Office Manager
  • “I’m throwing my current phone in the garbage right away!”

    Tony Harlow Intelligence Officer

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