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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Apple Dodged Billions In Taxes

Apple CEO Tim Cook was questioned by lawmakers today, following a congressional report that showed how the company used a complex web of offshore subsidiaries to keep the IRS from taxing at least $74 billion of its earnings over the past four years. What do you think?

  • “Well, at least they’re the only company doing it.”

    Dale Blum Unemployed
  • “That must be how they keep their prices so low.”

    Victor Totos Maple Syrup Maker
  • “You get ’em, Congress. Just because you created loopholes doesn’t mean companies should take advantage of them!”

    Amanda Turnbull Film Cutter
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