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Apple Has More Cash Than U.S. Treasury

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Apple Has More Cash Than U.S. Treasury

According to the most recent available financial statements, Apple Inc. has more cash on hand—over $76 billion—than the U.S. Treasury. What do you think?

  • "Well, the user experience in this country is just terrible."

    Lou Gajda Cable Splicer
  • "Great, so why don't we sell them a couple of aircraft carriers and we'll be back in black."

    Sonya Howland Film Flat Inspector
  • "This is why I took all my money out of U.S. currency and put it into safe, stable iTunes gift cards."

    Philip Keeton Yeast-Culture Developer

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