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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Apple To Assemble Some Computers In U.S.

Having manufactured its products in Asia since the late 1990s, tech giant Apple announced this week that it would return production of some of its Mac computers to the United States in 2013. What do you think?

  • “But Americans have such clumsy sausage-fingers.”

    Mary Jo Vanatte Locksmith
  • “As long as those factories exploit workers, I don’t care where my things are made.”

    Dean Scannell Fondant Cooker
  • “That’s going to require Apple to raise prices, and there’s no way its customers will stand for that.”

    Roy Kang Unemployed

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God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.

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