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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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Apple To Assemble Some Computers In U.S.

Having manufactured its products in Asia since the late 1990s, tech giant Apple announced this week that it would return production of some of its Mac computers to the United States in 2013. What do you think?

  • “But Americans have such clumsy sausage-fingers.”

    Mary Jo Vanatte Locksmith
  • “As long as those factories exploit workers, I don’t care where my things are made.”

    Dean Scannell Fondant Cooker
  • “That’s going to require Apple to raise prices, and there’s no way its customers will stand for that.”

    Roy Kang Unemployed

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