Recent News

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Apple To Rescue Album Sales

Working in conjunction with four major music labels, Apple plans to bundle the digital albums it sells with interactive booklets that include liner notes, lyrics, and photos. What do you think?
  • "Well, whatever, I've hated music ever since 'My Humps.' I'm a magazine woman now."

    Kathleen Bird Systems Analyst
  • "No thank you. I officially renounced context when I started dating a woman 20 years my junior."

    Darren Wheelock Pharmacist
  • "I used to just pick and choose single songs off albums until Lou Reed caught me doing it and yelled at me."

    Jeffrey Jacobs Water-Meter Installer
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