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Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.

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BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Apple Tops Wal-Mart In Music Sales

According to the most current available retail statistics, Apple Inc. has surpassed Wal-Mart to become the No. 1 music retailer in the country. What do you think?
  • "If Apple starts offering Looney Tunes mud flaps for download, then Wal-Mart is really in trouble."

    Lyle Anderson Landscaper
  • "The problem is that Wal-Mart doesn't make it easy enough to get drunk and download 30 copies of the theme to Robocop.

    Bernice Niles Systems Analyst
  • "Apple deserves a lot of credit for rescuing and preserving the paying-for-music tradition."

    Thom Budisch Hedge-Fund Manager

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