Apple Unveils iPad Mini

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FIFA Frantically Announces 2015 Summer World Cup In United States

Global Soccer Tournament To Kick Off In America Later This Afternoon

ZURICH—After the Justice Department indicted numerous executives from world soccer’s governing body on charges of corruption and bribery, frantic and visibly nervous officials from FIFA held an impromptu press conference Wednesday to announce that the United States has been selected to host this summer’s 2015 World Cup.

Apple Unveils iPad Mini

At a press event today, Apple CEO Tim Cook unveiled the iPad Mini, a 7.9-inch version of its popular iPad tablet that features an ultrathin, light design and is intended to compete with smaller e-readers such as the Kindle Fire and Google Nexus 7. What do you think?

  • “Finally, a device more convenient than the iPad and less convenient than the iPhone!”

    Kim Bachrach
    Unemployed
  • “See, my natural instinct would have been to make it bigger and heavier, and maybe tack on a full-size keyboard.”

    Kurt Duncan
    Banquet Manager
  • “That’ll certainly make my regular iPad feel like a big grown boy.”

    Daniel Atmajian
    Burial Plot Salesman
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