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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Arby’s Offering Secret ‘Meat Mountain’ Sandwich For Those Who Ask

After Arby’s released an advertisement with an image of a huge stack of meat and started receiving requests from customers, the fast food chain started offering a $10 “Meat Mountain” sandwich to those who ask for it at the cash register. What do you think?

  • “Well, if you’re going to ask for something in secret, I’d say this is the perfect candidate.”

    Ralph McGee Bike Rack Installer
  • “Great, now I don’t have to watch the cashier become increasingly horrified as I describe what I want.”

    Annette Tandy Systems Analyst
  • “Trust me, when they see my physique, they won’t need me to ask.”

    Brian Goodwin Web Forum Moderator

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