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Arby’s Offering Secret ‘Meat Mountain’ Sandwich For Those Who Ask

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The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Arby’s Offering Secret ‘Meat Mountain’ Sandwich For Those Who Ask

After Arby’s released an advertisement with an image of a huge stack of meat and started receiving requests from customers, the fast food chain started offering a $10 “Meat Mountain” sandwich to those who ask for it at the cash register. What do you think?

  • “Well, if you’re going to ask for something in secret, I’d say this is the perfect candidate.”

    Ralph McGee Bike Rack Installer
  • “Great, now I don’t have to watch the cashier become increasingly horrified as I describe what I want.”

    Annette Tandy Systems Analyst
  • “Trust me, when they see my physique, they won’t need me to ask.”

    Brian Goodwin Web Forum Moderator

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