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New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.

Tips For Hotel Etiquette

Staying in a hotel can be a fun and luxurious experience, but it requires consideration of the guests around you. The Onion presents its guide to hotel etiquette:

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.
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Arby’s Offering Secret ‘Meat Mountain’ Sandwich For Those Who Ask

After Arby’s released an advertisement with an image of a huge stack of meat and started receiving requests from customers, the fast food chain started offering a $10 “Meat Mountain” sandwich to those who ask for it at the cash register. What do you think?

  • “Well, if you’re going to ask for something in secret, I’d say this is the perfect candidate.”

    Ralph McGee Bike Rack Installer
  • “Great, now I don’t have to watch the cashier become increasingly horrified as I describe what I want.”

    Annette Tandy Systems Analyst
  • “Trust me, when they see my physique, they won’t need me to ask.”

    Brian Goodwin Web Forum Moderator

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