adBlockCheck

Archie Andrews Dies Taking Bullet For Openly Gay Friend

Top Headlines

Recent News

360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Archie Andrews Dies Taking Bullet For Openly Gay Friend

Archie Comics has revealed that in the penultimate issue of Life With Archie, Archie Andrews dies after throwing himself in the path of a bullet aimed at friend Kevin Keller, an openly gay senator pushing for more gun control. What do you think?

  • “I just wish I had a clearer sense of which political agenda the writers are promoting here.”

    Seth Wolfe Diving Instructor
  • “I can’t see many people actually giving a shit about what happened to Archie at this point. Not with that crazy assailant still on the loose.”

    Benjamin Harper Sandwich Artist
  • “If I know comic books, Archie will be back in a few months with even more amazing powers.”

    Miley Samocha Internet Sales Manager

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close