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Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.
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Archie Andrews Dies Taking Bullet For Openly Gay Friend

Archie Comics has revealed that in the penultimate issue of Life With Archie, Archie Andrews dies after throwing himself in the path of a bullet aimed at friend Kevin Keller, an openly gay senator pushing for more gun control. What do you think?

  • “I just wish I had a clearer sense of which political agenda the writers are promoting here.”

    Seth Wolfe Diving Instructor
  • “I can’t see many people actually giving a shit about what happened to Archie at this point. Not with that crazy assailant still on the loose.”

    Benjamin Harper Sandwich Artist
  • “If I know comic books, Archie will be back in a few months with even more amazing powers.”

    Miley Samocha Internet Sales Manager

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