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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.
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Archie Comics To Kill Off Archie

Archie Comics publisher Jon Goldwater has announced that in the final two issues of Life With Archie, to be released in July, titular character Archie Andrews will be killed off while sacrificing his life to save a friend. What do you think?

  • “Another pathetic example of publishers just giving the readers what they want.”

    James Franz Account Manager
  • “It’s about time. They gotta be on their seventh or eighth Jughead by now, right?”

    Alexa Lissing Beauty Consultant
  • “This could be the cautionary tale our 59-year-olds need.”

    Benjamin Jacobs Pew Designer

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