'Archie' Gets A Gay Character

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Vol 46 Issue 17

PNC Park Sold Out For 'Fan Euthanasia Night'

PITTSBURGH—PNC Park boasted a rare sellout crowd Tuesday when more than 38,000 eager Pirates fans showed up for "Fan Euthanasia Night," during which each attendee was guaranteed "the sweet release of a quick and painless death" c...

Player Drafted At Linebacker To Start At Realtor

OAKLAND, CA—The Raiders organization welcomed sixth-round draft choice Travis Goethel Wednesday and said the Arizona State linebacker would more than likely be asked to start as a Bay-area Realtor by the beginning of next season.

Money Spent For Old Time's Sake

BROCKWAY, PA—Harkening back to an abandoned custom that had long existed only in memory, 28-year-old unemployed graphic designer Leslie Gordon exchanged currency for physical goods at a local shopping establishment Friday.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Technology Unfortunately Allows Distant Friends To Reconnect

WAYNE, PA—Providing them the tools necessary to bridge a gap that both individuals say they were more than willing to maintain indefinitely, sources confirmed Monday that the advent of modern technology has unfortunately allowed distant friends Mere...

Originality

'Archie' Gets A Gay Character

A gay student named Kevin will be introduced this September in an issue of Veronica, part of the Archie Comics franchise. What do you think?

  • "Well, if Archie ever does marry either Betty or Veronica, the other is going to need a new best friend."

    Jack Andrews
    Unemployed
  • "Uh-oh, Archie—prepare yourselves for a shitstorm of controversy. It's still 1957, right?"

    Vicki Lodge
    Wood Finisher
  • "With the backing of the Archie franchise, gay teens should have no problem achieving mainstream acceptance at their schools."

    Kyle Cooper
    Rug Repairer
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