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Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.
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'Archie' To Become Live-Action Film

Warner Bros. Pictures will produce a live-action movie based on the 72-year-old Archie comics franchise, portraying the characters of Archie, Veronica, Betty, and Jughead in a modern-day version of Riverdale. What do you think?

  • “Good. I like to know what kind of crap is coming out as far ahead of time as possible.”

    Clyde Bruneau Soda Jerk
  • “It’ll be refreshing to see a comic book adaptation that doesn’t involve superheroes, loud explosions, or characters that anyone remembers.”

    Carmen Vazquez Lye Treater
  • “That’s great! And here I was, about to go home and kill myself.”

    Willie Savard Electrical Line Splicer

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