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Archie To Choose Betty Or Veronica

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Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.

Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.
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Archie To Choose Betty Or Veronica

After nearly 68 years, a grown-up Archie Andrews will ask either Betty or Veronica for her hand in marriage in an upcoming issue of his eponymous comic book. What do you think?
  • "I'd pick Veronica. I’ve picked Veronica every day since puberty, as a matter of fact."

    Noah Magee Systems Analyst
  • "If that guy knows the first thing about anything, he'll choose Betty. Or Veronica would be pretty great, too. Actually, he can't really go wrong.”

    Elaine Tekle City Auditor
  • “Married? Oh, no! This is totally going to break up The Archies."

    Theo Brotman Lehr Operator

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