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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.
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Archie To Choose Betty Or Veronica

After nearly 68 years, a grown-up Archie Andrews will ask either Betty or Veronica for her hand in marriage in an upcoming issue of his eponymous comic book. What do you think?
  • "I'd pick Veronica. I’ve picked Veronica every day since puberty, as a matter of fact."

    Noah Magee Systems Analyst
  • "If that guy knows the first thing about anything, he'll choose Betty. Or Veronica would be pretty great, too. Actually, he can't really go wrong.”

    Elaine Tekle City Auditor
  • “Married? Oh, no! This is totally going to break up The Archies."

    Theo Brotman Lehr Operator

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