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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Are Sack Lunches Unsafe?

A study published in the journal Pediatrics showed that most meats and vegetables parents packed in their children’s lunches were not kept in a safe temperature range once at school. What do you think?

  • "Maybe for poor kids. They can't afford air-conditioned lunch boxes."

    Jocelyn Brower Yard Supervisor
  • "I'm sick of all this overprotection. When I was a kid, I ate bag lunches every day, threw up all over Mrs. Sherman's third-grade class one time, never lived it down for my entire schooling, and developed deep, lifelong insecurity issues, just like a kid is supposed to."

    Wayne Heneghan Systems Analyst
  • "There's no credible evidence to suggest our school lunches are getting warmer."

    Darren Flemons Nurse Assistant

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