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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Are Sack Lunches Unsafe?

A study published in the journal Pediatrics showed that most meats and vegetables parents packed in their children’s lunches were not kept in a safe temperature range once at school. What do you think?

  • "Maybe for poor kids. They can't afford air-conditioned lunch boxes."

    Jocelyn Brower Yard Supervisor
  • "I'm sick of all this overprotection. When I was a kid, I ate bag lunches every day, threw up all over Mrs. Sherman's third-grade class one time, never lived it down for my entire schooling, and developed deep, lifelong insecurity issues, just like a kid is supposed to."

    Wayne Heneghan Systems Analyst
  • "There's no credible evidence to suggest our school lunches are getting warmer."

    Darren Flemons Nurse Assistant
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