adBlockCheck

Recent News

Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
End Of Section
  • More News

Are Sack Lunches Unsafe?

A study published in the journal Pediatrics showed that most meats and vegetables parents packed in their children’s lunches were not kept in a safe temperature range once at school. What do you think?

  • "Maybe for poor kids. They can't afford air-conditioned lunch boxes."

    Jocelyn Brower Yard Supervisor
  • "I'm sick of all this overprotection. When I was a kid, I ate bag lunches every day, threw up all over Mrs. Sherman's third-grade class one time, never lived it down for my entire schooling, and developed deep, lifelong insecurity issues, just like a kid is supposed to."

    Wayne Heneghan Systems Analyst
  • "There's no credible evidence to suggest our school lunches are getting warmer."

    Darren Flemons Nurse Assistant

More from this section

Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close