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Are Tasers Safe?

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Voyager Probe Badly Damaged After Smashing Into End Of Universe

PASADENA, CA—Confirming that several components had broken off the craft and that most of its scientific instruments were no longer operational, officials from NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory announced that Voyager 1, the pioneering space probe launched in 1977, had been severely damaged Thursday after crashing into the end of the universe.

Leaked Documents Reveal Studio Executives Knew About ‘Gods Of Egypt’ Before It Released Onto Public

SANTA MONICA, CA—Suggesting that the disastrous events of three months ago could have been averted, federal investigators stated Wednesday that a trove of leaked documents confirmed high-ranking studio executives had full knowledge of Gods Of Egypt long before the film was released onto unsuspecting Americans.Investigators described those who allowed such a screenplay to be carried out as “extremely sick and heartless individuals.”

Books Vs. E-Readers

Though e-readers have increasingly supplanted books in the digital age, many bibliophiles defend the importance of physical texts. Here is a side-by-side comparison of physical books and e-books

The Arguments For And Against Bernie Sanders Staying In The Race

Bernie Sanders is ramping up his efforts in the presidential race despite long odds, while sharpening his criticisms of a Democratic Party increasingly focused on the general election with Hillary Clinton as their presumptive nominee. Here are the arguments for and against Sanders staying in the race
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Are Tasers Safe?

Most security personnel defend the use of Tasers, but Amnesty International said that there have been more than 100 Taser-related deaths since 2001. What do you think?
  • "You wouldn't be complaining about Tasers if you had a rubber bullet lodged within inches of your heart like me."

    Harold Wilson Sound Producer
  • "As a man who wears a thick-rubber gimp suit on his midnight visits to the nursing school, I have no problem with Taser use."

    Mark Stuttgart Sales Manager
  • "If you're a cop, deadly force is the last thing you want to use. However, if you're a really twisted cop, a weapon that leaves a suspect flopping about like an epileptic puppy is dead-bang perfect."

    Karl Gordon Police Officer
  • "People complain that getting hit by a Taser is really painful, but in reality it doesn't hurt until your hypothalamus starts working again."

    Mary Watkins Systems Analyst
  • "I only hope this controversy doesn't affect my soon-to-be-launched national family-fun franchise, Taser Tag."

    Sam Williamson Sheet-Metal Worker
  • "Tasers are too much of a hazard. I guess the police will just have to go back to using tractor beams."

    Ellen Anderson Chef

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