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Argentina Reclaiming Falklands

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Argentina Reclaiming Falklands

Argentina is reasserting its claim to the Falkland Islands from England. What do you think?
  • "I'd say settle it with a soccer match, but it would only result in more deaths."

    Xavier Jones Tapestry Weaver
  • "I agree. England has hoarded that vast supply of delicious penguin eggs for far too long."

    Taylor Williams Dairy Farmer
  • "Was this in Evita? Because if it wasn't covered in Evita, I probably don't know what it's about."

    Lois Fleisch Concession Stand Cashier

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