adBlockCheck

Recent News

Man Knows Exactly Which Asshole Got Him Sick

SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—Immediately realizing the genesis of the fever and sore throat that left him feeling like shit, 30-year-old local man Edward Mosley told reporters Tuesday that he knows exactly which asshole got him sick.

How Gerrymandering Works

The Supreme Court is considering a case regarding the partisan gerrymandering of districts in Wisconsin, which could change the way maps are drawn across the country. Here is a step-by-step guide to how Gerrymandering works.
End Of Section
  • More News

Argentina Reclaiming Falklands

Argentina is reasserting its claim to the Falkland Islands from England. What do you think?
  • "I'd say settle it with a soccer match, but it would only result in more deaths."

    Xavier Jones Tapestry Weaver
  • "I agree. England has hoarded that vast supply of delicious penguin eggs for far too long."

    Taylor Williams Dairy Farmer
  • "Was this in Evita? Because if it wasn't covered in Evita, I probably don't know what it's about."

    Lois Fleisch Concession Stand Cashier

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close