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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Argentina Reclaiming Falklands

Argentina is reasserting its claim to the Falkland Islands from England. What do you think?
  • "I'd say settle it with a soccer match, but it would only result in more deaths."

    Xavier Jones Tapestry Weaver
  • "I agree. England has hoarded that vast supply of delicious penguin eggs for far too long."

    Taylor Williams Dairy Farmer
  • "Was this in Evita? Because if it wasn't covered in Evita, I probably don't know what it's about."

    Lois Fleisch Concession Stand Cashier

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