adBlockCheck

Recent News

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
End Of Section
  • More News

'Argo' Wins Best Picture At Golden Globes

The political thriller Argo, directed by Ben Affleck and based on a chapter in the 1979 Iran hostage crisis, took home the Golden Globe for the best dramatic film last night. What do you think?

  • “Those idiots will vote for anything about the 1979 Iran hostage crisis.”

    Desiree Bosco Boat Builder
  • “I don’t watch the Golden Globes. They’re so frivolous and stupid compared to the grandeur and significance of other awards shows.”

    Jacques Colombier Sugar Grinder
  • “Why does this cruel world keep reminding me that it’s possible to win something?”

    Vic Van Dreelen Systems Analyst
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close