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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Arizona Super Bowl Viewers Shown Pornography

Comcast cable subscribers in Tucson, AZ were surprised when a 30-second clip of a woman taking a man's erect penis out of his pants interrupted the final minutes of the Super Bowl. What do you think?
  • "Oh, that was porn? I thought that was what was happening on the Kiss Cam."

    Erin Kopsak Systems Analyst
  • "That's strange. Up where I live, we just had the Penguin interrupt the broadcast and threaten to bring Gotham City to its knees if we didn’t give him $10 million."

    Clay Yonda Environmental Services Supervisor
  • "That was the only part of the Super Bowl that I understood."

    Albert Korein Collections Clerk

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