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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Man With Strong Brand Loyalty Willing To Kill For Mazda

In a stern warning aimed at critics of Mazdas everywhere, area man Matthew Hunker, a longtime Mazda driver with two Mazdas in his garage at home, said Thursday his loyalty to the car manufacturer was so strong that he would be willing to kill in its name.

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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Arizona Super Bowl Viewers Shown Pornography

Comcast cable subscribers in Tucson, AZ were surprised when a 30-second clip of a woman taking a man's erect penis out of his pants interrupted the final minutes of the Super Bowl. What do you think?
  • "Oh, that was porn? I thought that was what was happening on the Kiss Cam."

    Erin Kopsak Systems Analyst
  • "That's strange. Up where I live, we just had the Penguin interrupt the broadcast and threaten to bring Gotham City to its knees if we didn’t give him $10 million."

    Clay Yonda Environmental Services Supervisor
  • "That was the only part of the Super Bowl that I understood."

    Albert Korein Collections Clerk

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