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Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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Arkansas Birds Fell From Sky

Investigators are collecting the bodies of blackbirds in the small Arkansas town of Beebe after thousands of the birds fell from the sky on New Year's Eve and New Year’s Day. What do you think?

  • "Beebe, Arkansas? Isn't that the place with the world's largest living-room picture window?"

    Lewis Tovey Hotel Manager
  • "There are thousands of bird corpses in our supermarkets, but you don't see that making the news."

    Betty Bonney Sheriff’s Deputy
  • "I bet if investigators look hard enough they'll find those birds are full of ticks. It has been a terrible year for ticks."

    Rob Adamson Unemployed

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