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A Primer On The Dark Web

With many crimes now originating on encrypted areas of the internet, many wonder about the so-called dark web and its activities. The Onion provides a primer on this obscured digital space:

Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.
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Arkansas Birds Fell From Sky

Investigators are collecting the bodies of blackbirds in the small Arkansas town of Beebe after thousands of the birds fell from the sky on New Year's Eve and New Year’s Day. What do you think?

  • "Beebe, Arkansas? Isn't that the place with the world's largest living-room picture window?"

    Lewis Tovey Hotel Manager
  • "There are thousands of bird corpses in our supermarkets, but you don't see that making the news."

    Betty Bonney Sheriff’s Deputy
  • "I bet if investigators look hard enough they'll find those birds are full of ticks. It has been a terrible year for ticks."

    Rob Adamson Unemployed
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