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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.

Most Anticipated Panels At Comic-Con

San Diego Comic-Con kicks off tomorrow, and this year’s schedule is packed with must-see events. Here are the most highly-anticipated panels of Comic-Con 2017.
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Arkansas Nuns Excommunicated

Six nuns in Arkansas were excommunicated from the Catholic Church for heresy after failing to leave a Canadian sect run by a woman claiming to be possessed by the Virgin Mary. What do you think?
  • "Gee whiz, Arkansas nuns are the worst."

    Deborah Vale Sales Associate
  • "Tough break. It's rough getting nun work in the private sector after getting fired."

    Ernst Pylor Janitor
  • "Nuns excommunicated for heresy? Is anyone else as turned on as I am?"

    Eric Patel Car Salesman

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