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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Armed George Zimmerman Given Warning For Speeding

Two weeks after being acquitted of murder charges in the death of Trayvon Martin, George Zimmerman was pulled over for speeding in Texas, admitting to the police that he was carrying a gun and saying he was going “nowhere in particular” before being released with just a warning. What do you think?

  • “Wow, he caught a really big break there.”

    Peter Clough Material Handler
  • “It’s sad that someone of Zimmerman’s notoriety didn’t have anywhere to go that night.”

    Frederick Driscoll Freight Car Cleaner
  • “That’s our George!”

    June Gilson Aerospace Engineer

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