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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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Armed George Zimmerman Given Warning For Speeding

Two weeks after being acquitted of murder charges in the death of Trayvon Martin, George Zimmerman was pulled over for speeding in Texas, admitting to the police that he was carrying a gun and saying he was going “nowhere in particular” before being released with just a warning. What do you think?

  • “Wow, he caught a really big break there.”

    Peter Clough Material Handler
  • “It’s sad that someone of Zimmerman’s notoriety didn’t have anywhere to go that night.”

    Frederick Driscoll Freight Car Cleaner
  • “That’s our George!”

    June Gilson Aerospace Engineer

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