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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Armed George Zimmerman Given Warning For Speeding

Two weeks after being acquitted of murder charges in the death of Trayvon Martin, George Zimmerman was pulled over for speeding in Texas, admitting to the police that he was carrying a gun and saying he was going “nowhere in particular” before being released with just a warning. What do you think?

  • “Wow, he caught a really big break there.”

    Peter Clough Material Handler
  • “It’s sad that someone of Zimmerman’s notoriety didn’t have anywhere to go that night.”

    Frederick Driscoll Freight Car Cleaner
  • “That’s our George!”

    June Gilson Aerospace Engineer

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