Arming Our Pilots

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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Arming Our Pilots

The Airline Pilots Association recently proposed that pilots be allowed to carry handguns to defend their cockpits. What do you think?
  • "Pilots need to concentrate on flying the aircraft. Arm the Sky Chefs instead."

    Denise Bassett
    Guidance Counselor
  • "As a mediocre stand-up comic, I'm all for it... 'And what's with these pilots packin' heat? Boy, you damn well better return your tray table to the upright and locked position, Chester!'"

    Irfan Clarence
  • "We should give the pilots unloaded guns, and then ask the media not to report that they're unloaded. Also, don't print this."

    Richard Barnes
    Systems Analyst
  • "I don't like this plan quite as much as the one with the super-robots, but I suppose it'll have to do."

    Judy Weiss
  • "Pilots should get sawed-off shotguns. There's no reason they shouldn't be as well-armed as our pizza-delivery drivers."

    Pete Hecker
    Shipping Clerk
  • "Armed pilots? I see. Tell me: Just how many days should I allot for a New York-to-L.A. trip on Amtrak?"

    Todd Pollack