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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Army Engineer Passed Nuclear Secrets

An 84-year-old former Army engineer was arrested for passing on defense secrets to Israel, including documents about nuclear weapons, between 1979 and 1985. What do you think?
  • "Are they sure he passed on those secrets deliberately? I know some pretty loud Israelis."

    Josh Austin Glazer
  • "You mean someone was actually interested in our secrets? I find that flattering."

    Lou McDonald English Teacher
  • "Imagine the horrifying scenario that could have played out where Israel used our secrets to build their own weapons rather than buying them directly from us."

    Jessie Trank Watch Repair Person

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