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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Army Extends 50,000 Soldiers' Tours of Duty In Iraq

The Army is forcing 50,000 soldiers into extended duty in Iraq. What do you think?
  • "If these soldiers wanted out so bad, maybe they should have finished the job within two weeks like the president wanted."

    Arnold Whitman Metallurgist
  • "I instituted a stop-loss to keep my last girlfriend from leaving. It doesn't work."

    Jay Katz Sports Vendor
  • "They've been pretty busy. I'm sure they'll appreciate the extra time to see some of the sights."

    Helen Guiteau Package Delivery Driver

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