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How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.
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Army Recruitment On Campus

The Supreme Court ruled that universities must allow military recruiters on campus if they are going to accept federal money. What do you think?
  • "So...exactly how much do you have to endow for permission to raise an army?"

    Sara Dunne Goldsmith
  • "I thought I was being recruited once at my frat, but it turns out that Party Patrol is not one of our nation’s armed forces."

    Drew Alexander Systems Analyst
  • "Finally, an actual career path for 17th-Century French Lit majors."

    Chase Foy Financial Manager

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