adBlockCheck

Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.
End Of Section
  • More News

Army's Fat Recruit Problem

The U.S. Army has rejected 48,000 would-be recruits since 2005 for being over the weight limit. What do you think?
  • "The Army rejected me, but that was because I was too husky."

    Greg Haines Systems Analyst
  • "My God, that means we have 48,000 people in this country who are ridiculously overweight."

    Trina Svanoe Glass Joiner
  • "So let's summarize my incentives for losing weight: I'll be hungry all the time, I'll be tired all the time, and I'll qualify for Army service."

    Dan Karmiol Day Care Provider

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close