adBlockCheck

Local

Overeager Simpleton Destroys That Which He Loves Most

WICHITA, KS—Agonizingly unaware of his own strength and the devastation it might inflict on the innocent, overeager simpleton Rob McCormick tore apart a bag of potato chips Thursday, despite the fact that it was reportedly what he loved most in all the world.

Raccoon Family Tired Of Taking Care Of Rabid Father

MONTGOMERY, WV—Acknowledging that he has become a real burden on their foraging and nesting activities, a local raccoon family told reporters Tuesday that they are starting to get tired of taking care of their rabid father.
End Of Section
  • More News

Asian Man 'Randomly' Searched 21 Times

After having his bag searched 21 times on the New York subway, 32-year-old Jangir Sultan is suing the NYPD for racial profiling. What do you think?
  • "I think he has a case considering he only rode the subway twice."

    Ryan Santiago Systems Analyst
  • "Look, you either give up a few civil rights or you agree to live in a world where some guy tries to sell you a pirated copy of Body Of Lies."

    Kelly Pfluger Social Worker
  • "The NYPD probably just has a healthy curiosity about what Asian men carry in their bags."

    Richard Tabora HR Specialist

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close