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Man Knows Exactly Which Asshole Got Him Sick

SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—Immediately realizing the genesis of the fever and sore throat that left him feeling like shit, 30-year-old local man Edward Mosley told reporters Tuesday that he knows exactly which asshole got him sick.

Veteran Told What Offends Him

WASHINGTON—In the wake of protests in which some players knelt during the national anthem prior to this week’s NFL games, a U.S. Army veteran has been informed that the acts offended him.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.
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Asian Man 'Randomly' Searched 21 Times

After having his bag searched 21 times on the New York subway, 32-year-old Jangir Sultan is suing the NYPD for racial profiling. What do you think?
  • "I think he has a case considering he only rode the subway twice."

    Ryan Santiago Systems Analyst
  • "Look, you either give up a few civil rights or you agree to live in a world where some guy tries to sell you a pirated copy of Body Of Lies."

    Kelly Pfluger Social Worker
  • "The NYPD probably just has a healthy curiosity about what Asian men carry in their bags."

    Richard Tabora HR Specialist

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