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Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
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Assault-Weapons Ban Expires

The 10-year-old federal law banning the sale of 19 types of semiautomatic assault weapons expired Monday. What do you think?
  • "Finally, I can bring ol' Missy out of hiding. Come on out, Missy. Daddy says it's safe now."

    James Farwell CPA
  • "The people who want assault weapons banned can't provide any evidence that they're used for criminal activity. See, you can't use common sense as evidence."

    Tammy Graves Journalist
  • "When we enacted this ban in 1994, it was an important step to protect our children. Now that our children are grown up and off at college, it's not such a pressing issue."

    Liza Redding Secretary
  • "Hey, if I could turn the clock back to a time before titanium deer with full electronic countermeasures, I would. But face it, I need this Kalashnikov."

    Sam Li Electrician
  • "This is mainly a semantic problem. If assault rifles were called 'fun rifles' or 'quick rifles,' there wouldn't be all this outrage."

    Daniel Moore Systems Analyst
  • "If the criminals are going to have assault rifles, I should, too. Actually, can I have a better one than they do?"

    Jim Mertens Sewer Worker

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