Astronaut To Deliver UConn Commencement Address From Space

Top Headlines

Recent News

Most Likely Candidates For Trump’s Cabinet

If elected president, Donald Trump will have the opportunity to nominate up to 15 cabinet members, each advising him on executive departments. Here are the most rumored choices for Trump’s inner circle.

Cake Just Sitting There

Take It

CHICAGO—Assuring you that there was nothing to worry about and not a soul around who would see you, sources confirmed Tuesday that a large piece of chocolate cake was just sitting there and that you should go ahead and take it.

Siblings Each Hoping Other One Will Take Care Of Aging Parents Someday

CLEVELAND—Explaining that they simply didn’t want to have to deal with the immense time commitment and emotional exhaustion, sisters Katie and Ellen Cattell each privately admitted to reporters this week that they were hoping the other sibling would someday be the one to take care of their aging parents.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Astronaut To Deliver UConn Commencement Address From Space

The University of Connecticut has announced that alumnus Rick Mastracchio, who is currently orbiting the globe aboard the International Space Station, will deliver this year’s commencement address from space. What do you think?

  • “Instead of giving a speech, I would be cool with this astronaut guy just swallowing floating drops of liquid.”

    Daniel Barry Hard Drive Installer
  • “Clearly, a UConn education is out of this world!”

    Michael Framingham Systems Analyst
  • “The students should really pay attention. He’s probably going to give a lot of good advice about going to outer space.”

    Katherine Phipps Pet Adoption Agent


Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close