adBlockCheck

Recent News

How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.
End Of Section
  • More News

Astronaut To Deliver UConn Commencement Address From Space

The University of Connecticut has announced that alumnus Rick Mastracchio, who is currently orbiting the globe aboard the International Space Station, will deliver this year’s commencement address from space. What do you think?

  • “Instead of giving a speech, I would be cool with this astronaut guy just swallowing floating drops of liquid.”

    Daniel Barry Hard Drive Installer
  • “Clearly, a UConn education is out of this world!”

    Michael Framingham Systems Analyst
  • “The students should really pay attention. He’s probably going to give a lot of good advice about going to outer space.”

    Katherine Phipps Pet Adoption Agent

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close