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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Atari Files For Bankruptcy

The U.S. operations of the pioneering video game company Atari, famed for creating such classics as Asteroids, Missile Command, and Pong, filed for chapter 11 bankruptcy. What do you think?

  • “The problem is that kids these days don’t know the joy of watching a bar move across a screen.”

    Allegra Candy Fabric Assembler
  • “This makes me want to dust off my old 2600, grab some of my favorite games, and just spend all afternoon trying to sell them online.”

    Bruce Deakins Systems Analyst
  • “Their classic games just need a modern makeover. Like in Pong, that little bouncing ball could be a bullet, and the paddles could be people’s faces being blown apart.”

    Kenny Hansen Aquaculturist
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