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Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.
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Atheists Unbless Florida Road

To protest government officials involvement last year in the blessing of a county road, an atheist group in Lakeland, FL "washed away" the blessing this weekend. What do you think?

  • "Is this country no longer safe for terrible Christian drivers?"

    Patrick Higgs Dicer Operator
  • "Nuh-uh! Nuh-uh! ’Cause God already put a super force field on the blessing with a strength of infinity!"

    Kathryn Osborne Roll Tender
  • "Well, is the road fucking blessed or not? I got places to be!"

    Joe Feldstein Ordinance Artificer

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