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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Atheists Unbless Florida Road

To protest government officials involvement last year in the blessing of a county road, an atheist group in Lakeland, FL "washed away" the blessing this weekend. What do you think?

  • "Is this country no longer safe for terrible Christian drivers?"

    Patrick Higgs Dicer Operator
  • "Nuh-uh! Nuh-uh! ’Cause God already put a super force field on the blessing with a strength of infinity!"

    Kathryn Osborne Roll Tender
  • "Well, is the road fucking blessed or not? I got places to be!"

    Joe Feldstein Ordinance Artificer
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