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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Atlantic City Mayor Resigns

After an absence of nearly two weeks in which his whereabouts were largely unknown, Robert W. Levy, mayor of Atlantic City, NJ, returned to office only to resign. What do you think?
  • "Well thank goodness he's gone. Erratic and suspicious behavior has no place in Atlantic City."

    Paulina Kntuson Systems Analyst
  • "I'm still having trouble getting past the first part. Why would anyone–anyone–disappear from Atlantic City for more than an hour?"

    Tim Lunt Graphic Designer
  • "He was a terrible mayor. He promised us constituents hairsprays and cheese fries! Where are my hairsprays and cheese fries?!"

    Tony Regina Hot Dog Vendor
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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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