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Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.
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AT&T Claims Verizon Lied About Coverage

Telecommunications giant AT&T; is suing Verizon Wireless for ads Verizon ran suggesting AT&T; had gaps in its network. What do you think?
  • "Damn right they're lying! AT&T is capable of dropping calls anywhere in the continental U.S."

    John Anzalone Technical Recruiter
  • "Wow. The last thing you expect a company to do in its advertisements is make claims that it's better than its rivals."

    Eric Caiafa Plumbing Foreman
  • "Let the exhilarating truth ring out: Where AT&T lacks 3G coverage, it will likely support a lesser, but mostly functional network standard."

    Emily Steele Civil Engineering Technologist
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