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Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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AT&T Claims Verizon Lied About Coverage

Telecommunications giant AT&T; is suing Verizon Wireless for ads Verizon ran suggesting AT&T; had gaps in its network. What do you think?
  • "Damn right they're lying! AT&T is capable of dropping calls anywhere in the continental U.S."

    John Anzalone Technical Recruiter
  • "Wow. The last thing you expect a company to do in its advertisements is make claims that it's better than its rivals."

    Eric Caiafa Plumbing Foreman
  • "Let the exhilarating truth ring out: Where AT&T lacks 3G coverage, it will likely support a lesser, but mostly functional network standard."

    Emily Steele Civil Engineering Technologist
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Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

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