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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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AT&T, T-Mobile Merger Faces Roadblock

The Department of Justice has filed an antitrust lawsuit to block the merger between mobile service providers AT&T and T-Mobile, saying it would increase prices and reduce innovation. What do you think?

  • “It really wouldn’t be fair to the competition if AT&T had cell phones and cell phone reception.”

    Katie Smith Systems Analyst
  • "Oh, man, but I just thought of a great name for that company: AT&T-Mobile. I was going to sell that to them for a lot of money."

    David Noble Unemployed
  • "I wonder if this jeopardizes my prepaid cellphone company TracFone's merger with Tri-City Check Cashing."

    Kevin Jones Telecom Owner

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