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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.
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AT&T, T-Mobile Merger Faces Roadblock

The Department of Justice has filed an antitrust lawsuit to block the merger between mobile service providers AT&T and T-Mobile, saying it would increase prices and reduce innovation. What do you think?

  • “It really wouldn’t be fair to the competition if AT&T had cell phones and cell phone reception.”

    Katie Smith Systems Analyst
  • "Oh, man, but I just thought of a great name for that company: AT&T-Mobile. I was going to sell that to them for a lot of money."

    David Noble Unemployed
  • "I wonder if this jeopardizes my prepaid cellphone company TracFone's merger with Tri-City Check Cashing."

    Kevin Jones Telecom Owner

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