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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.

Grandma Looking Like Absolute Shit Lately

VERO BEACH, FL—Unable to ignore the 86-year-old’s dramatic physical decline since they last saw her, sources within the Delahunt family reported Monday that their grandmother Shirley is looking like absolute shit lately.
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Attorney General Gonzales Resigns

After mounting controversy, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales resigned from office yesterday. What do you think?
  • "Congrats, Dirk Kempthorne! You're now my favorite current cabinet member!"

    Doug Harford Systems Analyst
  • "How am I supposed to explain this to my kids? That the attorney general is just on a business trip for a while? That he'll be back in a little bit? Think of the children!"

    Leslie Doniacz Plumbing Apprentice
  • "Good. Maybe now we can restore some dignity to the attorney general's office and get a classy singer-songwriter type like John Ashcroft."

    William Kern Gem Cutter

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