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Australia May Drop Great White’s Protected Status

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CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

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CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Australia May Drop Great White’s Protected Status

A surfer was killed by a great white shark off the western coast of Australia Saturday, marking the fifth fatal attack there in under a year and prompting officials to consider ending the protected status of the species. What do you think?

  • “Seems like they could solve this problem if they just gave that status to humans.”

    David Nakajima, Graduate Student
  • “But great whites play a necessary ecological role in controlling the surfer population.”

    Faisal Champion Farmhand
  • “It's about time they start letting people fight back when they’re getting attacked by a shark.”

    Tina Ahmed State Gaming Commissioner

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