Australia May Drop Great White’s Protected Status

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Vol 48 Issue 29

The Pretending Hour

NBC 9:00 p.m. EDT/8:00 p.m. CDT Two people dress up like investigators and pretend to track a made-up murderer with the help of costumes, fake guns, and names different than their birth names

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Game Show 8:00 p.m. EDT/7:00 p.m. CDT Host Kirk Newcloud counts and stacks $100,000 cash on a table before an exultant studio audience.

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Software giant Microsoft reported a quarterly loss for the first time since the company went public in 1986, losing $492 million in the most recent quarter due to a major write-down in its online division.
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RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

Entertainment

Australia May Drop Great White’s Protected Status

A surfer was killed by a great white shark off the western coast of Australia Saturday, marking the fifth fatal attack there in under a year and prompting officials to consider ending the protected status of the species. What do you think?

  • “Seems like they could solve this problem if they just gave that status to humans.”

    David Nakajima,
    Graduate Student
  • “But great whites play a necessary ecological role in controlling the surfer population.”

    Faisal Champion
    Farmhand
  • “It's about time they start letting people fight back when they’re getting attacked by a shark.”

    Tina Ahmed
    State Gaming Commissioner
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