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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Australia Puts 300 Sharks On Twitter

To prevent attacks on beachgoers, Australian government researchers have tagged 338 sharks with transmitters that send out an alert via Twitter anytime one of the animals swims within a half mile of a beach. What do you you think?

  • “As someone who swims with seals at dusk every day, I find this very helpful.”

    Colin Havermeyer Adult Orthodontist
  • “What’s wrong with just having a little girl on the beach pointing at the ocean and screaming? That always seems to create an appropriate level of panic.”

    Finn Kehoe Jewel Finisher
  • “Man, Google+ is never going to take off.”

    Gwyneth Kingman Assistant Legal Officer
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